If You Can't Say Something Nice...

Alice Roosevelt Longworth from Pinterest

     Somehow in our dinner conversation this evening, we gravitated to the topic of the good and bad things, the complimentary and hurtful things, we say to others. Clearly, we evoked the old adage: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
     Immediately, I tried to recall a devilish variation on the quote which I thought was from Eleanor Roosevelt. I believe it was something like “If you can’t say something nice, come and sit here by me.” A Google search showed I was close on both counts. The quote is from Alice Roosevelt Longworth, the author, socialite, and eldest daughter of Theodore Roosevelt. There was a site of her quotes. There were actually several versions of the quote that I found. Two were on that site, one was on another, and a fourth on Pinterest (thus making me wonder about the accuracy of quotes on the internet).

1. If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.
2. If you can't think of anything nice to say, come sit here beside me.
3. If you can’t say something nice about someone, come and sit right here next to me.
4. The above photograph of Alice Roosevelt Longworth holding a pillow with a fourth version.

     As much as I like what Alice Roosevelt Longworth said, the root adage is more in line with this season of resolutions. Surely, we should all try to be nicer and apply the Golden Rule to not only our actions but what we say to and about people. In my internet a few other great on this general topic of watching what we say about others:

• Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.
• If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. ~ Maya Angelou
• Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.

     This theme covers things we say to others, the gossip behind their backs, and what we say online about people we know and perhaps only know of. We live in an era where people are bullied online. We live in an era where the President of our country sets the tone with the kinds of insults and zingers that can be tweeted. Of course, there is still gossip. Anyone that works or belongs to any kind of organization, team, club, musical group, or church knows that gossip is nothing new. It can define and underlie the culture. It can be an informal method of communication that makes an organization more cohesive. More often, however, it is a divisive force that breaks people into subgroups and cliques that serves some and ices out others.
     I am as guilty of the above as anybody, especially the gossip part. I think it is part of human nature. As stated above the gossip can be measured and civil, or it can be malicious and hurtful.
     Communication is so critical in everything we do. Be it verbal, social media, or via email. We should all certainly strive to be more tempered. We should indeed taste our words before we speak or type them. For this year, I will add a commitment to speaking and typing in a more polite and civil tone.