Much Ado About T-Shirts

 

     For many years, I have been musing on this topic or that and meandering about searching for topics esoteric, obscure, and plain old banal.  You would think in all those years I would have already written about something as lame as t-shirts, perhaps even several times. 

While I have referenced undershorts in a few letters, the favorite of mine being Changes and Armenians Invented Clothes, I have not broached the subject of t-shirts.  Well that ends here, today.

Why t-shirts and why now?

The answer is simple:  Facebook.

Huh?

Yes, Facebook. 

I have been inundated with a flurry of ads in the past few weeks for t-shirts. 

It seems that there are some remarkable breakthroughs made regarding this humble yet important and, sometimes, fashionable part of our wardrobes.  Through the use of better sewing technology, new varieties cotton, better designs, and, certainly, the crazy advances in both polys and esters which we all know are multiplied tenfold when melded into the miracle of polyesterization.  It is mind-boggling.

Actually, I am not sure if any of this is remotely true.  Nevertheless, it has to be from what I am reading in all these t-shirt advertisements from companies I have never heard of.  They are all claiming that their revolutionary t-shirts are softer, fit better, last longer, shrink less if even at all, and give the wearer an amazing look and feel. 

They all claim their t-shirts are less boxy and, golly, aren’t we all tired of boxy old-fashioned t-shirts.  Silly me, I always thought form fitting was not flattering to my one-pack ab.  They go on to say that the design makes bigger guys look slimmer and slimmer guys more… bigger.  (Some of you no doubt are wondering if these shirts have the same kind of effect on the female.. um… pectorals.  There was no mention of this though I am certain their scientists are hard at work on this as I write these words.)

I am certain that some kind of magic technology is happening here.  This is like the thermos bottle, one of the great inventions of mankind, which keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.  Both the thermos bottles and this new breed of t-shirts do this with no microchips or wires of any kind.  This is crazy science.  In medieval times, scientists working on things like this would have been labelled witches or wizards and burned at the stake.

Other than making bigger guys look trimmer, and scrawny guys look more buff, the ads all imply that everyone buying and wearing them will feel better about themselves.  I imagine the t-shirts will grow hair on bald heads, make grey hair darker, and make your children do better in school. 

How much are these t-shirts running for?  The firm that seems to advertise the most offers a variety of multi-packs.  Their 3-pack has a list price of $62.97 but has been marked down to $43.99 ($14.66 a shirt) and even offers an option to buy with four interest free installments of $11.  Never thought about buying t-shirts on installment. 

Of course, I looked on Amazon.  Oh my, there are countless offers from names you have heard of like Hanes, Jockey, Gildan, Carhartt, and Champion to names you have never heard of like Uni Clau, Goodthreads, and Pegeno.  There is also the Amazon Essentials Brand that is shaking up the clothing business.  The prices range from $3.80 for a basic Hanes to $20+.  The materials range from 100% cotton to cotton/poly blends to all synthetic materials.  There is a dizzying array that is hard to choose if you are just browsing. 

These ads that I have seen on Facebook makes it easy to buy t-shirts, that are probably good shirts, while avoiding the dizzying array on Amazon.  One of the companies True Classics has adopted the charitable donation model pioneered by Tom’s Shoes and then Bombas Stockings. 

Until this barrage of t-shirt ads, t-shirts were pretty much a commodity, practically a throwaway item, in my view.  I classified them in two categories.  There are t-shirts that are, basically, undergarments.  Unlike the 1950s, this class of t-shirts are only worn under other shirts, sweaters, or sweatshirts these days.  They used to come in any color and material you wanted as long as it was white and cotton.  Then there is the class of t-shirt that is the only shirt worn.  The primary top t-shirts are varied in both color and color.  They could be cotton, polyester, or a cotton/polyester mix and come in henna color you might imagine.

This is much ado about t-shirts.  Other than perhaps buying some Amazon Essentials tees when I am next in need, I probably will not alter my t-shirt buying habits.  For t-shirts that are the only shirt worn, I seem to be biased to those with University of Michigan logos.