I was having breakfast with a
friend earlier this month. We are both
turning 60 in 2013. We were discussing
the reaching of this next milestone in our lives. We talked about the physical changes involved
in aging. We talked about wrinkles and
liver spots. We talked about losing
hair where we really want it and... the sprouting of hair in places where it is
most unwelcome. There is also the
graying of the hair everywhere.
Actually, at this point it is pretty much gray. There is the need for glasses and both of us
are teetering on the edge of needing hearing aids.
We talked about our parents and
the foibles they are facing. We laughed
about how they can drive us crazy. My
friend wondered if and when our children will look at us in the same
light. I suggest to him that they
probably already see us in some combination of being old, slowing down, losing
it, and driving them crazy.
Everyone is concerned about
looking good. Looking good often
includes looking youthful. For many,
this concern has become an obsession.
There are those that color their hair.
Many of us workout and fight to stay trim. If they can afford it, cosmetic surgery is
not out of the question. Faces are
lifted. Tummies are tucked. Stomachs are banded. Eyes are lasiked.
We talked about how we would never
do most of these things. First, we were
not that vain or that obsessed. Second,
we cannot be bothered with coloring our gray and thinning hair. It is an expense that we prefer to avoid and
a routine we could easily do without.
Lastly, we decided the wrinkles and other markings of age have been
earned. They show our age. They show our passage.
Interestingly, there is a good
market for fashion and furnishings that have an old and well-worn look about
them. We no longer buy brand new blue
jeans that take a really long time to break in and then they last a really really
long time. Today, we buy blue jeans that
are already broken in. They are
pre-washed and look worn. They are more
comfortable and we pay more for them than denim that has not been
pre-washed.
Oriental rugs have long been
popular. Really fine rugs can be very
expensive but they can easily last over a hundred years. Today, however, there is a market for very
old really worn almost threadbare rugs.
These rugs are extraordinarily expensive.
The same applies to a certain
class of furniture. Sure, you can buy a
brand new leather chair or couch in which the leather is uniform in color and
looks perfect. The chair or sofa over
the years will gradually wear get that Ralph Lauren "life well lived"
look. Why wait? Again by paying a premium, we can buy a chair
and couch that are brand new but look fifteen to twenty years old.
We realized that people want to
look young but will pay a premium for this weathered and aged look. Well worn is well admired. We thus decided to choose another word for
the graying and wrinkles that come with age.
Why should we value this in our clothes and furnishings but not in
ourselves? We decided to use the word
patina. That is what we look for in aged
and worn leather. Why not embrace our
own patina that naturally comes with our age.
My Parents: My parents, Aram
and Manoushag, take great care of themselves.
They eat well and exercise. They
both look great in their 80s. They
embrace this lifestyle and it has paid off for them. My father had an aortic valve replaced on
June 25 of this year. It was quite a
serious surgery. His surgery and
recovery went very well simply because of his lifelong focus on health and
fitness.
They do not try to hide their age
at all. They embrace a simple lifestyle. My mother has never colored her hair. My dad simply shaves his head. They are not obsessed with trying to look
younger. They are dedicated to taking
care of themselves. They eat right, they
get plenty of rest, they exercise, and are committed to this simple and
effective way of life.
As a result, they look their
age. They are good looking at their age. They look good but they do not try to hide
their age. They have wrinkles. They have the blemishes and spots on their
skin that are inevitable. We were with
them over the Thanksgiving holiday and I had to admire how good both of them
looked. My Dad particularly looked
dapper to the point where he could model for octogenarian fashions.
There are many other people who
are doing the same thing as my parents.
I am always bringing up my friend Ara Topouzian. I am certain that just before getting to this
paragraph, he is licking his chops to chastise me on another rambling bambling
letter. So, to diffuse him, let me note
that while Ara is more like me, his father, Armen, is exactly like my
parents. He embraces the same simple
lifestyle and has achieved the same wonderful results.
My parents and Armen have that
patina of age I am talking about here.
It is indeed a lifestyle. It is
an economical lifestyle to boot. They
are an example that I know I should follow.
It must also be noted that my parents and Armen are not unique. There are countless number of people who do
the same. Maybe, quietly, it is a movement
that is growing: The Patina Lifestyle.
Bridget Bardot vs. Joan Rivers:
I have always been fascinated by Bridget Bardot who turned 78 this past
September. Of course, I was fascinated
with her when was a sex kitten in the 1950s and 1960s though I only really
noticed in the late 1960s. What
fascinated me the most, however, was her decision to retire in 1973 at the age
of 39. She understood that her youth was
fading and wanted no part in trying to prolong it. I think she was also tired of the constant
attention and handling. She was tired
about being obsessed over by fans and her managers in the industry. She also wanted to focus on her real passion
that developed at that time: animal
activism.
As her intensity and dedication to
animal activism increased, she paid less and less attention to her physical
self. She was most definitely a pin-up
girl in her modeling and acting heyday.
In her retirement she became the poster child for what famous actors and
actresses of yesteryear look like today. These comparisons are always popping up on the
internet and the most striking, negative, comparisons are highlighted. In one sense, compared to her days of
being called a sex kitten, she looks horrible.
From another perspective, she has just let nature take its course. After years of being poked, prodded, curled,
coifed, dyed, colored, and made-up, it is apparent she simply no longer
cares. Bridget Bardot has jowls and a
wrinkled neck. Her hair is always
unkempt and, if colored at all, is always showing roots. It is hard to believe that it is the same
woman who personified the term sex kitten.
She opted for patina and only
cares to focus on her cause.
Joan Rivers is the exact opposite
of Bridget Bardot. Joan Rivers has had
so much plastic surgery that her before and after photos are equally
dramatic. Instead of going from sex
kitten to grandma, Joan Rivers has gone so-so looking to bordering on the
ridiculous because the skin on her face is so taut. Her looks are exaggerated. Her face has been pulled back so much, she
looks windswept, no, wait, hurricane-swept.
What does it matter really what
Joan Rivers or Bridget Bardot do?
Everyone is free. We are free to
spend all our time looking young and youthful or we can spend all our time doing
something else. We are after all living
in parts of the world that are for the most part tolerant and free.
OK. Bridget Bardot may not be the best model for
this. She has gotten increasingly more
bizarre in recent years with her political views. Maybe Katherine Hepburn or Jessica Tandy
might be better examples.
Uniformity and Entropy: There is another strong factor in
society. It is a movement toward
uniformity. What was it Joni Mitchell
wrote and sang, "give me spots on my apples but save me the birds and bees?" We are obsessed with everything looking
pristine, unblemished, perfect, and uniform.
We cannot even have carrots that look like they do coming out of the
ground. You can never really get all the
dirt out of the crevices. We can never
clean them up enough so that they do not look the roots that they are. So what have we done, we shave and grind them
into almost uniform pure orange pieces and call them baby carrots. Sure, part of it is saves the effort of
cleaning fruits and vegetables but it also makes them look more appealing. It seems that patina is not appetizing.
When I was a mere child and first
learning about the world, I was not happy to learn about the constant change in
the world. It really made no sense to me
that things wore out, broke, rusted, or decayed. I thought the world should be perfect. I am not sure I got this idea but it was a
very strong feeling. Perhaps, it was
being the first generation to grow up with television or being raised in a time
when people really believed that they could conquer and master nature. This feeling lasted until I took a physics
class in high school and learned about the concept of entropy. Entropy is a complex topic that can be quite
involved and mathematical. What I most
remember is that one interpretation was that nature tends to move from order to
disorder. Disorder and randomness is the
state of equilibrium. At least this is
how it seemed when I first learned about this concept. It made sense and defined things in a way
that I was more accepting of how the universe works... not that the universe
cares one way or another.
In this light, the aging process,
the graying, wrinkling, and wearing out all makes sense. Patina is a natural progression and can be
admired and valued rather than abhorred and avoided. We have all seen photos of people who have
lived the simple agrarian lifestyle that look so good in their later
years. They look noble and we can't look
at those photos without thinking "that is the way to age!" and “their
lifestyle is the way to live!”
Yet, we are conflicted. We are constantly bombarded with images of
what beauty and glamour are. The
recurrent images are those of youth, beauty, and unblemished metrosexual
uniformity. The twist is we are made to
believe that our choices with parameters make us unique. Yes, I chose the turquoise LaCoste polo and
you look equally individual in your Ralph Lauren taupe one. Wait, we are both wearing jeans... no
worries, your shirt is tucked in and mine isn't.
No matter how hard we try, we do
tend to wear out. Entropy always seems to
win in the end.
The Patina Lifestyle: Patina
also implies an aging and graying with style and grace. It is akin to something we might call managed
entropy. A leather chair does not get
that valued patina from abuse. You don't
leave an expense leather chair out in the rain and elements to get that desired
patina. If you do that, the chair will
be destroyed. To get that desired
patina, you have to take care of it. The
patina comes gradually over the years through consistent use and wear. People are the same. To get that desired patina, we have to age
and gray with style and grace. We have
to take care of our physical selves. We
all know people who have done that and witness and admire the results they
get.
As has been written in this letter
many times before, we know what to do.
We know what it takes to get that patina discussed in this letter. It is living well. It is eating properly, getting a proper
amount of rest, managing stress, and exercising. There was an article I just read about the
people on a certain Greek Isle living 10-12 years longer than the US
average. The advice is not anything
revolutionary. It is basically what we
all know and find so hard to do. It is
what is listed above.
There is also mental and
personality patina we should all be striving for. It is a mixture of wisdom and attitude. Our personalities need to reflect our
years. Mental patina needs to age and
gray with style and grace.
This concept of patina applied to
human beings could catch on. Remember
you heard it here first. I envision an
entire liberating movement for people.
Avoid surgery. Stop coloring your
hair. Live right and develop a patina
you can be proud of. Age and gray with
style and grace. I foresee infomercials
with those fake popielesque audiences
clapping and cheering at each minor revelation of the Patina
Program. We need a tagline that is
catchy and pithy.
I would, of course, have to host
the thing hawking the entire program which would include books, videos, meals,
bottled water, bicycles, athletic shoes and apparel, yoga wear, sunglasses,
hats, t-shirts, and whatever else I can think of. I would trademark copyright incorporate the
program. There would be a website and a
logo. I am thinking about using the
Greek letter rho, ρ, as the stylized p.
There would be double symbolism as rho is used to represent the linear
correlation coefficient in regression analysis.
We are correlating, of course, good living with good aging.
If this is going to happen, I will
have to get some plastic surgery, hair plugs, and a stomach band so that I can
look the part as the godfather of this movement. I would, of course, have to take several
before and after photos to use in advertising and in the book. I know, this is totally against what I have
laid out here, but this has to be done in the grand tradition of good old
fashioned US marketing and not having to practice what one preaches especially
when revenue is involved. Well, this
last bit is more a topic for a future letter.
Graceful aging and graying to us
all! Embrace the Patina Lifestyle.
ρ